Looking Glass Self

Every so often, you need to step away from yourself to reflect on your life and decisions you've made. Perhaps you are not satisfied with the relationships in your life (i.e. your friendships, your bonds with your family, or even simple interactions with new acquaintances), and cannot understand why.

In 1902, Sociologist Charles Horton Cooley presented the concept of the "Looking-Glass Self", in which our self-schema is produced in our social relationships. We get an image of ourselves in each situation based on others' reactions, but at the same time, we bring to the situation a more stable and enduring conception of ourselves as a certain type of person. People try to reaffirm the type of person they are, every time they interact with others.

You can easily explain to your close friends and family when you "aren't acting like yourself" on a rainy day and still have them accept you for the "real you" that you've always presented previously. For example, a shy, mild-mannered person who suddenly explodes in an emotional outbreak can tell their receiver, "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I'm usually not this emotional," and the receiver generally genuinely believes that an external factor may have caused this emotional outbreak--not caused by the person himself/herself.

If you are consistently having problems of social interaction with multiple people in your life, it's time to look within yourself. What are you doing wrong? What portrait of yourself are you trying to paint? Is it consistent with how others see you? What went wrong, from the idea to your execution to others' reactions?

However, initial impressions should be handled with much more caution. Once someone has the wrong idea of who you are, it takes much more time and patience to reaffirm the "real" you. If you aren't getting the respect you feel you deserve, it might be your own fault. It's disappointing when someone new misinterprets you based on a couple poor judgments you've made. The good thing is we are so densely populated that it is easy to start all over again to give a fresh first impression to someone new--as long as you realize how you were wrong and improve the way you present yourself to others.

Do you know who I am?