New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!

On New Year's Day, after endless nights of gluttony and excess partying, we all resolve that this year will be "better." Eat healthier, workout more, read more, spend less, make more... By the following week, all resolutions are forgotten, much less, achieved.

Studies show that resolutions are easier kept when written out and constantly visualized so that one is accountable to herself for the promises she makes to her own self.

Come on: if you can't even keep the promises you make to yourself, how do you show you can keep a promise to anyone else?

Ultimately, we make New Year's Resolutions to either 1) become a better person, 2) achieve more in the game of life, or 3) both become a better person and achieve more in life. It's all the same. So to all those who make nearly unattainable New Year's Resolutions, here's something that might help:

On a personal note, around Thanksgiving of 2013, I had a revelation. So dramatic, right? Something about my career and my personal life needed a change. In regards to my career, there had not been much movement up. The only thing I had built myself into looking forward to was the little bit of money trickling down from the industry, to the company, and then, finally, to me. For two years already, I found myself saying, "Wow, I'm in a rut and I don't know what to do."

Timing is everything. By Thanksgiving, the HR director from a much larger company asked me in for an interview and offered me a position. If the company size, structure, income and future opportunities are better than the previous, why not? I decided to take on this opportunity for the New Year, but that wasn't enough. There was still something I was doing wrong in terms of my career, and a new job did not change this fact.

In regards to my personal life, it must have been the sappy moods that Thanksgiving season typically brings on, but I suddenly realized that I'd been an uncaring and selfish friend, daughter, sister, dog mom, colleague, etc. Yes, at age 19 I had vowed to make my twenties my own: it was the selfish decade of one's life and I was determined to make it so. I've been doing exactly that; only, before completing this decade, I've come to the realization that I don't want to proceed this way anymore. Not everyone in your life will stay in your life, so why would you not want to give the most happy, loving, generous side of yourself to them?

So here comes the New Year's Resolutions part.

My New Year's Resolutions for the past few years were based off of limiting myself from negative actions, and increasing positive actions. Yes, I had achieved most of my goals, but overall, I felt like I had not improved myself as much as I'd like. This year will be different--I won't focus on limiting myself as much as striving to push my inner fire.

1. GET MY PRIORITIES STRAIGHT. How many times in my life have I focused on the wrong thing and realized only afterward that I completely neglected a person or situation that I should not have? Straightening your priorities will (hopefully) smooth out your life.
2. IF I WANT SOMETHING, MAKE IT HAPPEN. NO EXCUSES. Similar to the "Always Be Closing" line in the movie Glengarry Glen Ross, the idea is that if you desire something enough, you will put the talent and hard work sufficient in obtaining it. Not only that, but suddenly the other fun aspects of life will seem trivial compared to obtaining your goal. With a strong enough desire for something, you will automatically participate less in unproductive events and more in "getting it." And if you don't get it, you just don't want it enough. In which case, don't even mention it anymore. 
3. KEEP MY DESIRES CONSISTENT. For someone who is so inconsistent in every aspect of her life, this is my biggest challenge. So for the New Year, once again: NO EXCUSES. If my desires aren't kept consistent, I don't want it enough. In which case, return to Resolution #2: Don't mention it anymore.

If I'm able to achieve these goals, I'll have greatly improved my relationships with friends and family, have a beach body by Summer time, and experience a large income jump by year's end. GET IT.

Oh, you're BAD~

One who is capable of doing evil and chooses not to, triumphs one who is incapable, for the one incapable has not realized if he/she will choose to do it or not. (There is almost always a desire for the unknown...) Therefore, leading to the idea that one should never judge another for his or her past, since one realizes he/she is capable only after a faulty past action or two.

To be capable, is to be competent. To choose not to, is to be virtuous. To be competent and virtuous, is the ideal. Sadly, we do not live in an idealistic world. How difficult it is for us to surround ourselves with the right people.

Looking Glass Self

Every so often, you need to step away from yourself to reflect on your life and decisions you've made. Perhaps you are not satisfied with the relationships in your life (i.e. your friendships, your bonds with your family, or even simple interactions with new acquaintances), and cannot understand why.

In 1902, Sociologist Charles Horton Cooley presented the concept of the "Looking-Glass Self", in which our self-schema is produced in our social relationships. We get an image of ourselves in each situation based on others' reactions, but at the same time, we bring to the situation a more stable and enduring conception of ourselves as a certain type of person. People try to reaffirm the type of person they are, every time they interact with others.

You can easily explain to your close friends and family when you "aren't acting like yourself" on a rainy day and still have them accept you for the "real you" that you've always presented previously. For example, a shy, mild-mannered person who suddenly explodes in an emotional outbreak can tell their receiver, "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I'm usually not this emotional," and the receiver generally genuinely believes that an external factor may have caused this emotional outbreak--not caused by the person himself/herself.

If you are consistently having problems of social interaction with multiple people in your life, it's time to look within yourself. What are you doing wrong? What portrait of yourself are you trying to paint? Is it consistent with how others see you? What went wrong, from the idea to your execution to others' reactions?

However, initial impressions should be handled with much more caution. Once someone has the wrong idea of who you are, it takes much more time and patience to reaffirm the "real" you. If you aren't getting the respect you feel you deserve, it might be your own fault. It's disappointing when someone new misinterprets you based on a couple poor judgments you've made. The good thing is we are so densely populated that it is easy to start all over again to give a fresh first impression to someone new--as long as you realize how you were wrong and improve the way you present yourself to others.

Do you know who I am?

Age is Coming...

If you've lived life for a good amount of time, you may empathize with me the angst of old age. The day you discover a new wrinkle on your face that was not there yesterday. The gradual growing fear of the edges of your eyes drooping lower. Seeing current pictures of your peers and remembering they never looked so shabby before and that it must be due to old age; then wondering if other people see you the same way. (They probably do).

At a certain point in life, most people take this angst and turn it into a misguided realization that they need to find a life partner before it's too late. If you're single, it's about damn time you joined Match.com. Don't even consider free dating services like Skout, Plenty of Fish, or OKCupid anymore. It's time to get serious in finding a mate. If you're in a relationship, you begin to wonder if it's time to take the next step. Maybe your expectation towards your partner has increased a bit. ("Marry me already!") Another day longer, means another wrinkle on your face, means one step further from being the perfectly beautiful bride.

It seems this angst of old age has been channeled into the wrong direction. You fear age is getting to you, but why does it necessarily have to be in terms of finding a life partner? That will come in due time and is out of your control anyway.

Could it be fear, instead, that Younger You hadn't earned as much money as your youthful potential could have possibly earned? Only for Older You to realize that you will only slowly continue to lose your energy with growing age? Better make that dough now to make up for your slack in previous years and for your slack in the elderly years!

Or perhaps it's a fear of not having discovered everything in this world that your heart has heard of and realized a new-found desire to see for yourself. Party in Miami! Walk through the Catacombs in France! Snorkel by the Great Barrier Reef! Hike Mt. Everest! Vegas, anyone? Now is the time for extreme traveling. Once you have a family with kids, the level of freedom in traveling is much more limited. Once age gets to your bones and joints, forget it; it will be more pain than enjoyment.

Lastly, you might come to a realization that you've been tied down to something. Is your job your career? Keep waiting, and it will be--whether you like it or not. Whether you feel tied down to your career, or your love life, or your financial status, you are the only one to change it before growing age takes over.

Growing old does not necessarily mean it is time to be frantic about finding that lifelong partner. Change what you are able to change: you are the only one who's able to earn more money for yourself, to workout and get the best body of your life, to go places you've never thought you were able to go, etc. Yes, that wrinkle has made your face its new home and it's not ever going away naturally. This should be that wake up call you've needed to make some positive improvements in your life. So sad, but so crucial.