Looking Glass Self

Every so often, you need to step away from yourself to reflect on your life and decisions you've made. Perhaps you are not satisfied with the relationships in your life (i.e. your friendships, your bonds with your family, or even simple interactions with new acquaintances), and cannot understand why.

In 1902, Sociologist Charles Horton Cooley presented the concept of the "Looking-Glass Self", in which our self-schema is produced in our social relationships. We get an image of ourselves in each situation based on others' reactions, but at the same time, we bring to the situation a more stable and enduring conception of ourselves as a certain type of person. People try to reaffirm the type of person they are, every time they interact with others.

You can easily explain to your close friends and family when you "aren't acting like yourself" on a rainy day and still have them accept you for the "real you" that you've always presented previously. For example, a shy, mild-mannered person who suddenly explodes in an emotional outbreak can tell their receiver, "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I'm usually not this emotional," and the receiver generally genuinely believes that an external factor may have caused this emotional outbreak--not caused by the person himself/herself.

If you are consistently having problems of social interaction with multiple people in your life, it's time to look within yourself. What are you doing wrong? What portrait of yourself are you trying to paint? Is it consistent with how others see you? What went wrong, from the idea to your execution to others' reactions?

However, initial impressions should be handled with much more caution. Once someone has the wrong idea of who you are, it takes much more time and patience to reaffirm the "real" you. If you aren't getting the respect you feel you deserve, it might be your own fault. It's disappointing when someone new misinterprets you based on a couple poor judgments you've made. The good thing is we are so densely populated that it is easy to start all over again to give a fresh first impression to someone new--as long as you realize how you were wrong and improve the way you present yourself to others.

Do you know who I am?

Age is Coming...

If you've lived life for a good amount of time, you may empathize with me the angst of old age. The day you discover a new wrinkle on your face that was not there yesterday. The gradual growing fear of the edges of your eyes drooping lower. Seeing current pictures of your peers and remembering they never looked so shabby before and that it must be due to old age; then wondering if other people see you the same way. (They probably do).

At a certain point in life, most people take this angst and turn it into a misguided realization that they need to find a life partner before it's too late. If you're single, it's about damn time you joined Match.com. Don't even consider free dating services like Skout, Plenty of Fish, or OKCupid anymore. It's time to get serious in finding a mate. If you're in a relationship, you begin to wonder if it's time to take the next step. Maybe your expectation towards your partner has increased a bit. ("Marry me already!") Another day longer, means another wrinkle on your face, means one step further from being the perfectly beautiful bride.

It seems this angst of old age has been channeled into the wrong direction. You fear age is getting to you, but why does it necessarily have to be in terms of finding a life partner? That will come in due time and is out of your control anyway.

Could it be fear, instead, that Younger You hadn't earned as much money as your youthful potential could have possibly earned? Only for Older You to realize that you will only slowly continue to lose your energy with growing age? Better make that dough now to make up for your slack in previous years and for your slack in the elderly years!

Or perhaps it's a fear of not having discovered everything in this world that your heart has heard of and realized a new-found desire to see for yourself. Party in Miami! Walk through the Catacombs in France! Snorkel by the Great Barrier Reef! Hike Mt. Everest! Vegas, anyone? Now is the time for extreme traveling. Once you have a family with kids, the level of freedom in traveling is much more limited. Once age gets to your bones and joints, forget it; it will be more pain than enjoyment.

Lastly, you might come to a realization that you've been tied down to something. Is your job your career? Keep waiting, and it will be--whether you like it or not. Whether you feel tied down to your career, or your love life, or your financial status, you are the only one to change it before growing age takes over.

Growing old does not necessarily mean it is time to be frantic about finding that lifelong partner. Change what you are able to change: you are the only one who's able to earn more money for yourself, to workout and get the best body of your life, to go places you've never thought you were able to go, etc. Yes, that wrinkle has made your face its new home and it's not ever going away naturally. This should be that wake up call you've needed to make some positive improvements in your life. So sad, but so crucial.

Happiness and Your Relationships

The solution to "happiness" has been a puzzle ever since the beginning of mankind. There is no sure-win formula. However, there are certain things you can start with, for example, by noticing the people around you. This is not only for your romantic relationships but, more importantly, your friendships.

There are three types of friendships that come in the form of "precious," "aloof," and "dangerous." Let's end the discussion on a positive note and start with the most negative friendship.

THE DANGEROUS FRIEND
What makes someone a "dangerous friend," yet still a "friend"? Generally, you would not want to be around this type of person. However, (most commonly) they may be a childhood friend. You've grown up with them all your life and you just happened to play together as young children. As you grow older and meet more people, you begin to realize that you really aren't happy with your childhood friend. As a matter of fact, you begin to notice minute flaws with the person's character. Maybe he or she tries to sabotage your reputation in front of others to make herself look better. Maybe she secretly flirts with the guy she knows you not only like, but already have a flirty relationship with. Anything anyone does to meddle with your life should not be in your life. If you keep this dangerous friend around, you will only have to count the seconds until she strikes again. Ultimately, he or she will push you out to die in order to live a more comfortable life.

THE ALOOF FRIEND
You might have met him or her through a friend or through a party. To make them more than just an acquaintance, she has probably come out to a group event more than several times and may even have hung out with you one-on-one a few times. As you learn more about this person, you realize there's not much to learn. She is unwilling to open up her feelings and her personal world to you. At the same time, the moment you are under stress with your problems and want to share with her, you realize she just does not care. Then you finally understand she is only your friend when it is convenient for her. She is not a bad person, but, she has no heart to become your true friend.

THE PRECIOUS FRIEND
This is the one. This is the soulmate of the friendship world. Whether you met him or her in your younger years or you met her yesterday, you feel the beauty of your friendship immediately. She calls or texts you on a regular basis and you both share feelings and thoughts. You can both analyze and reason through any given situation and have it not escalate to the point of breakup. She knows when you are going through a rough time and will call you to hang out and make sure you are still OK. She is angry at you when you make stupid decisions that harm yourself. She shares her whole world with you and expects you to do the same. Whether you reciprocate the enthusiasm of this friendship, you must know that the precious friend is extremely rare and hard to find. No matter what, hold on tight to them!

Your happiness is in direct correlation to the people around you. Take a second to step back and analyze your friends. One must learn to let go of the ones who hurt them and surround herself with only the positive characters. Only then, can you start to enjoy true happiness.

Although you surround yourself with the right people, it does not ensure your happiness... But it is the step in the right direction.

Money, Money, Money, Makes the World Go 'Round

"'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life,

Trying to make ends meet,
You're a slave to money, then you die..."

~ The Verve

To those who are religious, we pray to God (or to gods, depending on your background; to each his own). We praise Him, and ask Him to bring Peace, Love, and Happiness to our lives and to the lives around us. We put Him on a pedestal and acknowledge Him as a power much greater than ourselves.

To the atheists, we believe in and need nobody but ourselves. Who decides our fates but you and me?--Especially in the United States where the American Dream is so easily achievable.

It seems the general public often searches for someone or something to believe in or to look up to, yet we tend to overlook what should be so obvious to us: We prepare our children to become slaves to money, just as we had been prepared when we were young. This vicious cycle engulfs all of our lives. Money holds our fate; without it's "blessing," we would not survive in our present society, and with it, we could rule the world. Admit it: Money owns us.

Yes, we work hopelessly for money. Your parents raise you in hopes that you not only become good citizens of society, but also that you gain a higher education so that you may earn more money than they had. With money, comes security and happiness. Get a successful job, buy a house, buy a car, raise a family, gain material pleasures, and have your children repeat history. Side advantages like prestige and power of course come along with the majority of successful jobs. This is what is expected of us, and whether you are aware of it or not, that is what you will eventually work towards.

Even as we rebel against society's expectations of striving to be the richest, most prestigious citizens, we are still at the mercy of Money. You want to be free? There's a price that comes with that. You want to travel the world? You want to disappear from the world? You want to SAVE the world? YES, there's a price that comes with all of that.

And in the end, what is money anyway? Realistically, money is the utmost power in society, and we are its bitch.